I absolutely have no affinity with alarms whatsoever. Today, my mobile phone's clock died out on me and didn't wake me up to go for matriculation at nus. Thank god zh called my house to ask, if not I may not even be registered into uni! I do think it was because I spilled wine over my phone few days back that has caused its time & date programming to go ultimately haywired. Haha who would have thought of that? My cellphone got wasted on me!

Bidding is a real bitch as I realized I have zero knowledge on it and that I would be the lecture loner as no one I know wants to take philosophy modules, introduction to lit or french. Hmmm, I guess I should be less reliant on others from now on. I should have learnt my lesson that I won't always have people there for me, that in the end, I would have to overcome everything on my own. I should have learnt this years ago, but I guess I just try to cling on to the false hope humanity is giving me eh?

I suppose everyone wants their own time to themselves, I want my private time too. But sometimes I think, when I do need help, absolute help, who is the first person I turn to? I've been contemplating over the questions many times, tossing and turning it in my head, so what has all this pondering led me to? Nothing. No one. I could not think of a name, a person, a face, not even a silouhette. It really scares me then, to think how alone and withdrawn I am. I'm not sure if it is I who draws away from closeness, or is it others who just find me repulsive to talk to or listen to? And it's at times like these, I think to myself, what the heck. It doesn't matter to anyone so I might as well selfdestruct.

It's not like I haven't tried to trust anyone before. I have, I really tried to. But sometimes I get the feeling people are just too immersed in their own lives to be bothered about mine, so why trouble them? Or there are times they are really to busy to care about this hysterical immature friend of theirs.There was just this once, just this very one time, I really need someone and I did think of someone who would help me, who had helped me. I tried to call her, but no one picked up. I called and called and still no answer, Thus the revelation hit me, that others are busy with their own lives, they have their own problems to solve and their own schedles to follow. What makes you think you are so special, so important, that they would drop everything down and rush to your side? Who made you the first priority on another's list, that she is to put aside all her other friends to pull you out of the darkness you yourself knowingly trudged into?

I wish I wasn't so weird.

But then again, sometimes I do.